There is a lot talked about confidence and how to gain it. It seems an ideal state that means we feel able to do anything we want.
When working on a performance program there are lots of ways to build your confidence from a simple journal recording successes, positive feedback etc to well worded goal setting.
As confidence grows it allows us to perform better so we get more compliments and hit our targets.
Sometimes something will happen that will knock us back and we will need to analyse what went wrong and do what we can to prevent it happening again.
But what if you suddenly have a confidence drop for no apparent reason?
I usually blog about the improvements I am making and the good habits I’m forming to continue with my forward momentum.
Suddenly out of nowhere I had a major confidence blip. It may have been the sudden change in weather from being hot, then back to normal February gloom, a miserable cold I had or even that old chestnut – hormones.
Maybe it was the approaching family birthdays – my sister’s, mine and then Dad’s that inevitably reminded me that my brother Alan and my Mum are not with us anymore.
Whatever the reason I was totally at a loss about what to do. In fact I didn’t even care about doing anything and I certainly didn’t have the confidence to write about my feelings, let alone share them in a blog.
It was just a case of get up and get on with the daily grind. Continue with my habits and remember that life isn’t all about the good times.
Books like ‘where ever you go there you are” or ‘the road less travelled’ are helpful in cases in times when our spirits hit rock bottom or if we do suffer from any depression etc.
It’s usual to think that your life is a failure when you’re not celebrating success or having fun, unless you are mindful that life is about living each and every experience, including all feelings – good/bad happy/sad etc. That unhappiness, grief and even boredom are part and parcel of life.
The film The Matrix even goes as far as to suggest that humans actually thrive better when life isn’t running smoothly.
Luckily for me a good dose of family times, catching up with friends, Agility 1st assessing and Crufts got me back on track.
Never underestimate how that friendly smile, the genuine pleasure of your greeting or the warmth of an embrace can lighten somebody else’s life.
One thing that was interesting was the daily habits I had created stayed with me:
- weighing myself every day – yes I know the diet books forbid it but what get measured get managed. By watching my weight daily I managed to loose it and oh boy, I am going to keep it off
- the things I eat daily – again this is usual a major crash if I get down but I love the food I eat now and didn’t disappear into a tub of Ben & Jerrys
- changing some of my products to being more planet friendly
- the amount of exercise I took
- getting up early – yes even though I was very down and previously I would have hid under the covers until the very latest moment, the habit of getting up stuck with me. In fact I would say that it is no longer even early.
However one less established, weekly habit was sadly easily missed and a certain little terrier cross was not impressed.
Never mind I’m sure she’ll get her own back (hopefully not on the last jump of that qualifier though)
On our seminars we talk about the ‘bank of confidence’, of learning to make notes of the good things that have happened and have been said to you so that you have confidence in reserve in those low days.
Mostly I have practised this and learned to say ‘thank you’ and add it to my confidence bank when someone pays me a compliment. Previously if someone said how good my hair looked, I would have been wondering how bad it must have looked before.